I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
