I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
