Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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