SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
