dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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