Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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