He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
