i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️