if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
