i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she peed on how many people?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
