I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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