One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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