Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
