I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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