Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
