we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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