About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
