i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize