I'm jealous of your bromance
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
