I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.