I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
