Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bring me that man meat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...