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I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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