Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.