Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.