Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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