I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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