bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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