I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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