It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
