It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
