ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
