reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
