Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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