Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
