Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
