honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
