Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
