so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
