I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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