ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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