If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
