once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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