11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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