did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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