Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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