my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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