My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer