Whod you bang
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that