So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.