I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should try to put a bagel on your penis