I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.