just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed