it's like iHOP with fire
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN