You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess