Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why do cheetos always look like penises
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice