taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore