She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
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Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.