would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.