You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
