I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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