I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
