Screwed.edu
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
