he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
