Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
