You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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