I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
