I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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