This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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