Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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