The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
