Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
