I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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