If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
