somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
