I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
