I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
