I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
