I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
