"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
