I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
