dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
